


Pathetic Fallacy

by seolarise_ (suhrene)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Funerals, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Sorry Not Sorry, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-11-17 17:48:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18103403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suhrene/pseuds/seolarise_
Summary: Love killed Taeyong, love took him away, and now love would kill Johnny as well.





	Pathetic Fallacy

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to hell, I needed to write angst desperately so this came about. I suggest listening to Hurts like Hell by Fleurie since that's what I wrote to. Enjoy!

A bitter laugh escaped Johnny as the rain continued to pour.Black umbrellas shaded some, whereas others simply wanted the water to wash it all away.  _ Pathetic fallacy _ , his writer's mind spoke out, finding it so ironic how a situation he may have written about within one of his novels, was now his reality. 

_ Better to have loved and lost, than not to have loved at all.  _

Perhaps once he would have agreed, his romantic heart finding the concept of love to be one he enjoyed more than anything. Yet now, now he wished he didn't know love at all. 

Love killed Taeyong, love took him away, and now love would kill Johnny as well. 

He had known for months, the way his eyes lingered on Jaehyun for longer than necessary, the way he'd get flustered when he'd call his name. At first, it was simply a crush, sweet innocent love with fleeting moments of his heart racing and his cheeks flushing. But then it got deeper, and he fell, and he fell. 

The first time he had told Johnny, he had been found in the bathroom, coughing up bloody flowers all over the floor. His eyes had been filled with tears, throat hoarse as he tried to talk, to say anything. He had cried in Johnny's arms, body shaking so much, so frail and thin that Johnny feared he'd break. 

"I love him, I love him so much so why won't he look at me? What's wrong with me? Johnny, why won't he love me?" 

In that moment, Johnny had never hated anyone more. Jaehyun was kind, he was perfect, he was funny, but the very fact that Taeyong felt like nothing in front of him made Johnny burn with anger. His Taeyong was beautiful, more perfect than anyone would ever be. His Taeyong was smart, full of so much light and goodness, and yet now he was drowning, dying.

"There's nothing wrong with you Yongie, you're amazing. He's blind for not seeing that. You deserve more than that." His lips pressed to Taeyong's hair, trying to convey the depth of emotion those words had, and yet Taeyong cried harder, coughs escaping him with more petals.

"I don't want anyone else but him..."

The next day Johnny felt an itch in his chest.

Taeyong had refused to get them cut out. He didn't want to forget, he didn't want to lose him. Jaehyun meant too much to him for that.

"But I don't want to lose you..."

Taeyong hadn't heard a word he had said.

A few hours later, Johnny felt the burning in his chest grow stronger.

His last few breathes had been shallow, eyes glazed over as he stared up into nothingness. Johnny had felt himself coming apart, holding him in his arms, finding it difficult to form any sort of coherent sentence.

"Don't go, please don't leave me. I can't - I can't do this without you."

He could feel the air in his lungs leaving him, the burning getting worse by the second. An ocean of tears left him, hiccups and sobs as he buried his head into Taeyong's chest, desperate to hear the last few beats of his heart.

He felt gentle fingers comb into his hair one last time, shaky from his lack of strength.

"I'm sorry.."

His body grew cold in Johnny's arms, hand falling away from him as his beautiful eyes shut for the last time.

Johnny coughed up the first flower next to his body, bloody and hauntingly beautiful.

Jaehyun had come to the funeral, standing next to his lover Doyoung under one of the black umbrellas. They watched Taeyong being lowered into the ground, hand in hand, knowing no better than Taeyong had loved the wrong guy.

A small mirthless smile played at Johnny's lips, as he watched them from the other side of his casket, soaked to the bone. He felt a shiver run through him, the permanent burn in him growing stronger day by day. He couldn't cry since then, the hollowness being his sole companion. He had been asked to say a speech, to talk about Taeyong's life, his legacy, and so he had. He had allowed himself that one moment to simply drown, to remember and to love, because even if Jaehyun hadn't loved him, Taeyong deserved to have people know he was loved.

Because Taeyong was so loved, so so treasured. But not by the people he had wanted to be loved by.

_ I wish I could've been enough for you. _

As he finished speaking, his heart so full and so empty all at the same time, Johnny felt the thorns within him wrap tighter, almost suffocating him more than he already was from the grief. 

When all had left, leaving Taeyong behind to rest in his eternal slumber, Johnny sat next to the new gravestone, leaning his head on it as he used to do on Taeyong's shoulder.

The rain kept pouring, growing harsher by the second, as if the skies were weeping with him.

_ Pathetic fallacy indeed. _

He ran his fingers over the words carved, his birthdate and the day he left, and the word's Johnny had asked to be written there.

_ Here lies our star, please light up the sky when we can't find our way home. _

But Taeyong was Johnny's home. 

_ I'll be seeing you soon it looks like.  _

And as he lay there, body growing colder and colder under the mercy of the rain, more and more bloody petals escaped him, staining the grass red. 

Just as Taeyong had fallen asleep in his arms, taking his heart with him, Johnny found solace in the cold stone his cheek lay on, imagining his loves soft hair under him like it once used to be, his eyes shutting slowly as he searched for his star.

  
  



End file.
